6 Steps to be a Bad (better) Roommate
Warning: this post contains self-deprecating sarcasm. I am guilty of nearly all the following . . .
NOTE: These steps SHOULD NOT be followed if you want to be a good roommate.
1) Wake up before your alarm goes off and hop in the shower. Leave your alarm (phone) in your bed and let it go off. See how long it takes your roommates to flip your bed over and rip the battery out of it. (My poor little phone . . .)
2) Iron your clothing in the morning. That means that you have to open your ironing board as slowly as possible, piercing your roommates ears with the painful shrieks of cheap aluminum. Then make sure that the iron makes that ridiculous bubbling sound as it produces steam. For added effect, drop the iron on the bathroom floor—it makes for a great “BOOM” when it smacks the ground.
3) Blow-dry your hair with the bathroom door open. Or sing with the bathroom door open. Or do anything with the bathroom door open. This includes shaving, clipping fingernails, flossing, or brushing your teeth with an electric toothbrush. Apparently sleeping roommates can hear all of these things.
4) Shove your bed tent under your roommate’s bed, being sure to jolt him out of his sleep as you mess with his mattress.
5) Turn on the room light. (I call the room light “the classroom light.” The classroom light is not allowed to be used in our room. We tape it in the “off” position. Lamps only. Mood lighting for the win.)
6) Slam your drawers when you are searching for your clothing. I defend this by saying I like to have all of my drawers completely closed. The caveat is this: something usually gets in the way of the drawer being closed, so it usually requires an extra forceful shove to get that pesky pair of socks out of the way. This is all good and dandy, but at 6:00 A.M., I have been told that this activity sounds similar to a gunshot. It’s not advised.
Fortunately for my roommates, I have been improving in all of these areas. Learning how to live with others is a pretty big part of college and I am still learning how to be a more courteous person, even in my Junior year.
Everyone has some pretty funny roommate stories. I was completely unaware that I was doing all of these things until my roommates told me about them. Most people—myself included—are usually unaware that something they are doing is bugging someone else. The best way to solve the issue? Just talk about it—nicely. Letting your roommate know that he slams the drawers too loudly in the morning will be better for your friendships, your sleeping habits, and your drawers.2
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